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💬 Lesson 5: Friends & Direct Messages

Servers are the town square; direct messages are your front porch. In this lesson you'll add friends by username, start private one-to-one and group chats, and learn the friend controls and block button that keep your social space exactly as open — or as quiet — as you want it.

📚 What You'll Learn

By the end of this lesson, you will be able to:

  • Add a friend by username and manage the Friends tab (Online, All, Pending, Blocked)
  • Start a 1:1 direct message and a group DM, adding or removing people
  • Block someone and explain what blocking does
  • Understand at a high level who can DM you and send you friend requests
In This Lesson

Adding Friends & the Friends Tab

Your Friends list lives in the Direct Messages area — click the Discord/home button at the top of your server rail and you'll find it. Adding a friend is Free and starts with someone's username (that unique lowercase @handle from Lesson 2).

Look for an Add Friend button, type the person's username exactly, and send a friend request. They get a notification and can accept or ignore it. Once accepted, you're friends — you'll see each other's status and can DM anytime.

The Friends tab sorts your connections into a few views:

Tab Shows
Online Friends who are currently active
All Everyone on your friends list
Pending Requests you've sent or received, waiting on a response
Blocked People you've blocked (they can't DM you)

🧠 Mindset

You're in charge of your own social graph here. There's no pressure to accept every request or keep everyone forever. A short, well-tended friends list beats a long, noisy one. Curating who's close to you is a skill, not a rudeness.

Here's the shape of your private connections — friends, one-to-one DMs, and small group DMs, all branching from you:

graph TD You["🙂 You"] --> Friends["Friends (send and accept requests)"] You --> DM["Direct Messages (one to one)"] You --> Group["Group DMs (a few people, private)"] Friends --> DM style You fill:#c7d2fe,color:#1e293b style Friends fill:#bfdbfe,color:#1e293b style DM fill:#bbf7d0,color:#1e293b style Group fill:#fde68a,color:#1e293b

Figure 1 — Your private side of Discord: friends lead naturally into DMs, and DMs can grow into small group chats.

Direct Messages & Group DMs

A direct message (DM) is a private conversation between you and one other person — no server, no channels, just the two of you. Your open DMs list sits alongside the Friends tab in the home area. Click a friend and start typing, or click a person's name/avatar and choose Message.

A group DM is the same idea with a few more people — handy for a small crew planning something without spinning up a whole server. Start one by adding several friends to a new message, or add people to an existing DM. You can also remove people from a group DM you started. Group DMs and the calls within them are Free.

Here's a simplified look at the DM area — your list of conversations on the left, an open chat on the right:

Figure 2 — A simplified mock-up (not a real screenshot) of the DM area. The list mixes 1:1 chats and a group DM.

✅ Tip

Closing a DM from your list doesn't delete the conversation or remove the friend — it just tidies your sidebar. The messages come right back the next time either of you writes.

Blocking, Removing & Who Can Reach You

Two different tools cover two different needs, and it's worth knowing which is which.

Removing a friend

Removing a friend simply takes them off your friends list. It's low-key and reversible — no notification storm — and they can still potentially message you if your settings and shared servers allow it. Use it to declutter, not to shut someone out.

Blocking

Blocking is the stronger tool. When you block someone, they can't DM you, and their messages are hidden from you in shared servers. It's the right move for harassment or anyone you simply don't want reaching you.

⚠️ Important: Blocking does not send the other person an alert saying "you've been blocked." It just quietly stops them from reaching you. You never owe anyone an explanation for protecting your own space.

Who can DM you or add you

Discord lets you control who can send you friend requests (for example, everyone, friends-of-friends, or people in your servers) and who can DM you, including a per-server option for messages from members you don't know. These live in your privacy settings, and we'll set them deliberately in Lesson 10. For now, just know the dials exist — you are never stuck with whatever the defaults are.

⚠️ Watch out

If someone you don't know messages you, you're not obligated to reply. You can ignore, close the DM, block, or report — all without a word. Trust that instinct; a stranger's unsolicited message is not a social debt you owe.

💡 Can you DM a non-friend?

Sometimes — it depends on whether you share a server and on that person's privacy settings. If they've allowed DMs from server members, a message can go through; if not, you may need to become friends first. It's a two-way handshake by design, which keeps random DMs down.

Calls from a DM

A DM isn't only text. Inside any direct message or group DM you'll find voice and video call buttons (usually a phone and a camera icon near the top). Click one and it rings the other person, just like calling a friend — all Free.

We'll dig into voice comfort in Lesson 8 and video plus screen sharing in Lesson 9. For now the takeaway is simple: your friends list doubles as your free call list, no phone number required.

🛠️ How To: Add a Friend, Start a DM

Make your first connection

What you'll do: Send a friend request, open a private conversation, and learn where the Blocked list lives — no blocking required.

Step by step

  1. Open the Friends area and choose Add Friend. Type a friend's username exactly and send the request.
  2. Once accepted (or if you already have a friend), open a 1:1 DM and say hello.
  3. Peek at the Pending tab to see how requests appear before they're accepted.
  4. Open the Blocked tab just to see where it is — you don't need to block anyone.
  5. (Optional) Start a group DM by adding a second friend to a new message.
💡 Tip

No friend to add yet? You can send a request to someone you know from a shared server, or ask a classmate for their exact username. Remember the username is the lowercase @handle, not their display name — capitalization and spelling matter when you type it.

📓 Learning Journal

Keep adding to your Learning Journal — a note in Discord, a doc, or a paper notebook. It's where you turn "I read that" into "I can do that." After each lesson, jot down:

  • Key concepts you learned
  • Things that clicked for you
  • Questions or confusion points to revisit
  • Ideas you want to try
  • Your progress and how you feel about learning this

✍️ This lesson's prompt: Who's the first person you want to connect with on Discord, and why? Note the difference between removing a friend and blocking someone in your own words, so it sticks.

📝 Lesson Summary

🎓 Key Takeaways

  • Add friends by their unique username; the Friends tab sorts them into Online, All, Pending, and Blocked.
  • DMs are private 1:1 chats; group DMs add a few people — both free, with free voice and video calls.
  • Removing a friend declutters; blocking stops someone reaching you and is silent.
  • You control who can DM you and send friend requests — dialed in fully in Lesson 10.

🎉 What You've Accomplished

You've opened up the private, personal side of Discord — the friends, DMs, and group chats where a lot of the real connection happens. Just as importantly, you know the controls that keep that space yours: who can reach you, and how to shut the door on anyone who shouldn't.

❓ Common Questions at This Stage

Someone I don't know messaged me — what should I do?

You're in control. You can ignore it, close the DM, block the person, or report them — no reply needed. You can also tighten who's allowed to DM you in privacy settings (Lesson 10). An unsolicited message is never an obligation.

What's the difference between removing a friend and blocking?

Removing just takes someone off your friends list and is easily reversed. Blocking is stronger: it stops them from DMing you and hides their messages in shared servers. Remove to declutter; block to protect.

Can I DM someone who isn't my friend?

Sometimes — it depends on whether you share a server and on their privacy settings. If they allow DMs from server members, your message can go through; otherwise you may need to become friends first.

🔭 Looking Ahead

In Lesson 6, you'll make your messages more expressive — Markdown for bold, italics, code and spoilers, plus emoji and reactions — so your text says exactly what you mean.

📚 Additional Resources

🌟 Encouragement for the Journey

Connection is the whole point of Discord, and you've just unlocked its most personal part. Reach out to someone today — and know that the door is always yours to open or close.